Critique wanted!

[EagleEyes]

I will give it a read when I get home from work. As right now I feel like death x.x

First off, I must say I rather enjoyed the story for how short it was.
As a fellow writer, I admire how you portrayed a complex emotion we all feel [as writers] in such a short, little story. :)

There were just a few little things I would fix:

1) "Seeing your childhood home full of nothing but boxes and bare shelves leaves you with an empty feeling inside." - I was lost because of this sentence...I assume "your" is Lizzy, but the change of PoV makes it awkward.

2) "Everything was full of a layer of dust so thick" - I don't think that things can be "full" of a layer...I would just simply change "full" to covered or something of that sort.

3) (This is just a convention error...probably a typo) "“This is all junk anyway.” she mumbled as she" - The period should be a comma of course...just thought I would point it out...I am horrible with that typo, so I am always on the lookout for that in my own writings. =P

4) (Another conventional error) "when a box full of dusty, but colourful papers caught her eye." - I would put another comma in this sentence between "papers" and "caught," as it is descriptive yadda, yadda.

5) "a princess in a high castle tower while the knight fought a crudely drawn dragon" - I would put an verb after princess, like stood, waited, admired, etc.

6) " sword fights and princesses" - I would change this one since you already mentioned a princess in your list. Maybe flowers and rainbows or something. (Don't give me that look =P)

7) "Bidding goodbye to her old childhood home, childhood memories" - I would put something like "as well as" after home and before childhood.

Hope that helps! I really did like the story, and think that it has potential to win the contest you are entering, (especially if it is a 500 word story contest). It is easy to relate with if you are a writer. I wish ye the best of luck!

[Lunies]

Thank you so much for your input, Jubi. When you pointed those out, all of your suggestions were very helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'm hoping the judges will, as well. The winner gets it published into an anthology and having something published has been a dream of mine.